I used to be a Casino binge gambler. Never really lost money there but lost hours,days, weeks and months of time there. I have had that under control for years. Stopped going to local casino daily after realizing that if I go up even $ 100,000, I eventually give it back. Stopped going to local casino 15+ years ago. Gambling destroyed my life.

Gambling Destroys Marriage

Hi, when I was in my late teens, my life was looking promising. I was happy, popular, confident, ambitious, and just someone who loved life. I loved life and especially the simple things in life. I remember a time when I used to genuinely get excited about the things I enjoyed. However, Gambling addiction which I developed from about 19 has destroyed everything in my life and I’m now 31. It has destroyed my personality, my relationships, my hope for the future and of course my finances. I could literally write an essay on gambling and how it has destroyed my life. I now find myself with no hope and in despair. I've let my whole family down and my mum is now depressed and is drinking far too much mainly because of my gambling and how it's ruined my life and consequently hers.

1. The weird thing about gambling addiction that I've read is that a lot of the time it isn't chronic. Addicts will go long periods of time without incedent, even saving up money, but once they're in that position they have no self control. So asking someone to walk into the casino and ban themselves for life is a pretty tough thing to do.
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I sit here now, back living at my parents with no girlfriend, no friends, no money, a lowly paid job, and no hope, with thousands of pounds worth of debt. I now have no confidence or self-worth, no self-belief, and I’m always depressed, a complete contrast of myself before gambling. Even if I never gambled from now on, it would take me years to pay off my debts. I'd love to have a wife and family and go on holidays with them etc, but what girl in her right mind would want to go out with someone who's got no money and loads of debt, is back living with parents and in a dead end lowly paid job, with no car. My future is looking bleak. Everything I hoped for when I was younger before my addiction is now looking unachievable. I wouldn't wish gambling addiction and its effects on my worst enemy. It's ruined my life and I’m sure many others. I'm feeling lower and lower every day and I’m actually worried about what I might do. The constant worry about my debt, the anger with who I've become, the fears for my future, the sadness of what could have been, the frustration over what I’m going to miss out on, is all becoming unbearable. People view me as a loser and rightly so, living with my parents in my 30s with no family or money and with a depressed personality. No one even wants to talk to me. All because of gambling. I'm just another example of how gambling addiction has destroyed a decent and intelligent person’s life. I keep thinking how life is short and is passing me by very rapidly and how you only get one life. I'm just constantly upset. I want and need someone to talk to who understands. I'm worried I’ll never be in a position to have a loving relationship and have a family. What will be the point in my life if my addiction prevents me from achieving this? I desperately want to make my family proud and to be able to say to my mum that I’m debt free. I want to give her the grandchildren that she desperately wants. I need help. I keep making the same mistakes. I just feel so down, depressed and fed up. I just don't know how to cope with all of this or what to do next.
Something else which I find hard to bear mentally and which is baffling to myself let alone anyone else is that a few years back, I actually won enough money to pay off my debt at the time. But as I was in gambling mode my addiction took over and I was unable to think about anything but the gambling. Inevitably I lost it all. Some people will probably say all my problems serve me right for being so stupid. The thing is, even I don't understand why I have no control when I’m gambling but I simply don't. It's like I have a different brain inside my head when I’m gambling. I had won all the money i needed to win in order for me to pay off most of my debts and think about my life and my future. Not only that but it would have made my mum so happy if I was able to tell her that I was almost debt free. All I had to do was not do anything stupid and yet I did. Why? I really don't know. Is my addiction really that bad that I can risk being almost debt free, being able to leave the job I hate, being able to make my mum happy, and being able to really think about my future and what I want to do with my life etc. Obviously it must be. This makes my mental state even worse. In fact, it didn't surprise me one bit when I heard that out of all the possible addictions, alcohol, drugs etc, Gambling addiction has the highest suicide rate amongst its sufferers than them all. As a sufferer this does not surprise me. Gambling addiction put simply, really does kill people. I think government need to think about putting restrictions in and come up with some ideas to try and tackle the problem. Of course however, the government makes too much money from us gambling addicts so they would never even think about it unless the problem significantly escalated.
Gambling has made me so depressed and fed up that I’m not really talking to anyone and distancing myself further from people at work. I realise how stupid I've been but that's what gambling addiction does to me and I don't know how I can get over this. I feel so depressed right now and unsure what to do. With my debts I just don't see a way out and I feel like time is running out for me. I could really do with a soul mate. A girlfriend to love and to love me back. Someone who could accept and understand my situation and give me a chance. This seems unlikely and maybe even unfair given my current situation.
Sorry if I went on a bit and thanks for listening. Any positive comments and advice would be massively appreciated.

Soliver:
Hi Looking4ward
I hope you get lots and lots of responses so you can get some of the support you need. Everything you tell about your mom is so typical of compulsive gamblers. I know it is so hard to understand when you dont have the addiction. I have tried so hard to understand my husband's gambling and how he could endanger our marriage of 32 years, our security for retirement, everything we hold dear and yet I cant because I dont have the addiction. I am not sure your mom has hit bottom yet as long as she believes she can have money. I feel so much compassion for her and for you and your family. Here is another web site to try for further help and support. gamanonsupportgroup@yahoogroups.com
I have found a great deal of support there. Take care of yourself and God Bless.

denisec:
Looking4ward,

I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this. I wish there was something I could tell you that would make it all go away. When I was out there gambling there wasn't anyone that could say anything that would have made a difference. Until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired was I ready to stop. I know that is a hard concept when it effects the people you love.

Gamblers Anonymous doesn't work until someone is ready to stop. I tried it several times before it worked for me. As a gambler you tend to look at all the reasons it doesn't work because you want to continue to feed your addiction.

The only advice I would give you is to stop giving her money. If she needs groceries buy some, don't give her cash or give it to your dad. You can't trust her with anything, she will lie about everything; at least I did. When you are in the thick of a gambling addiction the only thing that matters is your next bet and how to get to it, you don't care if you lie, or your husband, your family, and mainly yourself, you can't stop.

Gambling Destroyed My Life

It might help you to talk to people in gamanon, they will have more suggestions. I wish you and your family well and hope your Mom figures it out before she loses everything.

Gambling Destroyed Meaning

Denise C
3 years and 11 days without a bet

pitboss3:
Looking4ward, I know the pain you are going through. My husband of 25 years and I have separated 3 times in 4 years due to his addiction. This time we are getting a divorce{he has filed not me}This is something that I don't want but unfortunately he doesn't see that. It is a emontional disease not anything you or anyone else says or does is going to change your mother only she can do that. Don't you or anyone else give her money, this is only enabling her to go out an gamble. Talk to the national hotline about gambling, go to a gam-amon meeting. These will help you understand the disease. It did for me,I have educated myself on the disease since this break-up, I wish I had done that before but hindsight is 20/20. You will learn that this has nothing to do with any of you, this has to do with her. Something inside of her maybe stemming back to her childhood has caused this. There is another group you can post on , it's on MSN it's called Gambling Addicts Trying to give up. It is an interesting site. I read it everyday and post on it occasionally even through I'm not the addict, it sure has helped me. Good luck to you and your family and God Bless all of you.

Gambling Has Destroyed Me